Ho Chi Minh, Mao Zedong, Kim Il Sung, Lenin

Back to Red Square, yet again, it seems that all of our days begin, end or are centred around this truly amazing space.  Today, I had planned to fulfill an eighteen year old dream, that is to see Lenin’s tomb and mummy.

Long ago, in 3 unity HSC History, in 1992, I had learned that Lenin, the founder of Communist Russia was entombed and on display in Red Square.  This was something that I absolutely had to see.  The whole concept fascinated me then, and still does today.

For those, not in the know, there are also others.  It has become somewhat of a Communist tradition, to have your first leader stuffed and put on display for all to see.

Way back in 2001, myself and my good mate Tam walked many miles, followed by a Vietnamese kid trying to sell us postcards, stood sandwiched reverentially in a crush of other Vietnamese people and then shuffled into a dimly lit edifice, housing Ho Chi Minh’s mummy.  Yes, he does look like Colonel Sanders.

Fast forward to 2008, we queued up with about 1,000 assorted foreigners and Chinese to see Mao.  Mao’s tomb is a microcosm of old China meets new China.  Sure there are guys in uniform, there is tight security, there are people in quiet contemplation and then, there are also people that will sell you a spot further up the line, after you see the body you come out in a kitchy Mao themed gift shop and you can buy plastic flowers as a mark of respect, that are collected up at the end of the day and resold the next.  Many say Mao is fake, that it’s a wax dummy, due to the original embalming being botched, but it’s pretty hard to tell when less than a minute later it’s time to run the gauntlet of Mao watch, clock, little red book and t-shirt sellers.

By far, the most somber, reverential and scary was the Kim Il Sung mummy.  North Korean’s are turned out in their best clothes, many are crying, legitimately I might add.  You file through many barriers, where your shoes are cleaned, your clothes vacuumed and you are thoroughly searched.  You have to line up, you have to show respect, you even have to do military drill, by marching forward as a row of 4 people, and you must bow at 3 sides of the coffin.  This is a very emotional and overwhelming experience for the North Koreans and you can clearly see that the cult of personality is still in full effect.  We ticked this box in December 2009.

So by the time this year had rolled around and we had planned to do the Trans Siberian, I was finally within a cooee of seeing Lenin and with Lenin complete, I would have seen all four dead Communist leaders.

However, today, Lenin was closed.  I felt like Clark W. Griswald.  We were there very early, it was about 13 degrees.  I only had a pair of thin cotton pants, a t-shirt and a free dodgy Chinese raincoat to stay warm.  At first, we thought we would be the first ones through; there was no one around.  We began to grow suspicious and spoke to the guards, who told us to come back tomorrow.  I was devastated.

We decided to go for a bit of a walk down to the old Lubyanka Prison, headquarters of the feared KGB.  It’s a very sombre looking edifice and it still has many of it’s old hammer and sickle Soviet era decorations.

After this, we then went and met another guide, who would take us on a Vodka tour.  This is something I didn’t really want to do, it sounded a bit bogan, to be quite honest.  However, Tanya was adamant that we could not leave Russia without doing this tour and she’s six months pregnant!  Other travelers had even told us how awesome this experience was meant to be.  But basically, it was a bag of shite.  A metro ride away, to a place so kitchy and touristy, that it makes one, recoil in horror, but we did learn an interesting story.

Many Russians, tap their throat with the right hand.  This basically means give me another drink.  The story behind this goes, that the Angel, atop the Peter and Paul Cathedral, in St Petersburg, had been broken during a storm.  At the time the Czarist coffers were running a bit low on cash, due to the war with Sweden, so, instead of forking out themselves, and getting a few tradies in, Peter the Great called for someone brave enough to fix the Angel.  Someone did come forward, but they demanded free drinks for life, in exchange for a successful repair job.  It’s a dangerous climb, so it was a pretty fair exchange.  They managed to get the Angel fixed and were presented a certificate, that could be presented at St Petersburgs bars for free drinks.  Naturally after about a week on the sauce, the bloke lost the certificate, one night when pissed.  Having lost his pay day, he approached Peter the Great for another certificate, but alas, the Czar was pretty fed up, so instead had the imperial decree of free drinks for life tattooed on the blokes neck.  This is why people flick their throat, when they want another drink.  A great story, but not worth the trip to hear it.

We headed back to Red Square, which by this stage was closed, for god knows what.  Soldiers and police were everywhere.  Even the streets around Red Square had been closed.  We had a bit of a wander through the souvenir market, where I found 200 Euros on the ground!  By now the heavens had opened and we were now in a torrential downpour, we decided to go and have lunch in GUM and sit out the rain.

I’m not sure if anyone buys anything in GUM.  It’s full of the same over priced Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton stores that are spreading across the world like a plague, and it’s also full of brides, having their photos done.  Strangely enough, not one person getting married looks happy, especially the brides.  This bloke took a phone call during the middle of his photo shoot, so I can kind of understand why this bride is pissed off.  No wedding night action for him I’m afraid.

You're taking a call during our wedding Photos....BASTARD!!!!

Here’s the post call photo.

Unimpressed!!!

We were pretty much stuck in GUM, due to the rain.  Here is the view from where we ate lunch.

GUM's glass roof

As you can see, not only is it amazing, GUM’s interior was an engineering marvel in the early 20th century.

Here’s me with our 200 Euros.  After closer inspection, I think it is counterfeit.  The paper felt all wrong, there is no water mark, or holograms.

Fat City....literally

After sitting around for a few hours, we decided even though it was still raining, we had to get on with it and went to buy some souvenirs.  We figured we’d get a good deal.  Outside GUM, it was total chaos due to the horde of wedding parties descending upon the place, the road closures and the torrential rain.

Can we go back to the hotel yet

I did manage to pick up a 1980 Moscow Olympics t-shirt and a Vladimir Putin Matryoshka doll, for a song.  Later, we went to the metro to dry out.

Tonight we feasted on fish balls, succulent lamb kebabs and about a bottle and a half of Peter Lehman Shiraz (okay, so Tans was on the soda water).  The Moscow Hilton, has a truly awesome exec lounge.