One Good Eye

Well, If your all wondering what goes on in the womens toilets, and at the same time what the Grammy award winning, American pop/rock band Toto have been doing since Africa was released, feast your eyes on the photo below, snapped by my lovely blogging assistant Tanya.

The Toto Toilet Control System

If you don’t believe your eye’s or are just dying to experience “Wand Cleaning” first hand, then get yourself to the QANTAS Club lounge at Pudong Airport T2.  After a good old fashioned “Wand Cleanse”, you may opt to warm up with some “soft” rear cleansing, chuck in some oscillation and pulsation and finalize with some “Hard” rear cleansing for dessert.  There’s even a “Front Cleansing” for those that like it moist and for those that want to feel a toilets warm breath on their nether regions, we have “Dryer”.

It looks like it even does forward and reverse, and if my eye’s aren’t deceiving me……..is that an iPod dock in the top left……..you be the judge.

Oh and if you weren’t laughing out loud already…..Tanya tells me that Toto’s “Africa” was playing as soft soothing background music…..for real.

Toto…..their future’s so bright…..they have to wear shades….

Toto

Sighted in Nanjing Dong Lu, Possibly picked up later by police for concealing weapon of mass destruction.

Read about the first suspicious package here

Two posts in as many days………holy crap!

It’s a cheap shot, but damn it’s funny.  You’ve heard them, names like Acne Chu, Pimples Yeo and Cement Chang……and my personal favourite, Fragrance Lu……..apparently those are real, but I am not so sure.  What I can tell you is that every time I deal with one of my rental agents, a lady who is very real, by the name of Daisy Cao it always raises a wry smile……..and what prompted this post I hear you all asking, I just received a note from Crystal Jin.

I wonder if I can have one of my nephews renamed to Bombay Sapphire….keep me in Gin for life.

Over and out.

Well……let’s just say that it’s been a long time between drinks and leave it at that!

I now have a total of 15 days left in the madness that is China……..and I must say I will miss it, I’ve finally gotten into that comfortable stage.  I know where all of the important things are, a shop selling Coopers Pale ale has set up virtually on my doorstep, I can catch cabs without carrying 1,000,000 pieces of paper with my address written on them, I’ve got a reputable and quality handbag / manbag supplier and I can easily sniff out, yet alone say Xiao Long Bao, Shen Jian Bao, Kao Yue and, the soon to be ubiquitous Qingzhengoazhaxie (Steamed Hairy Crabs), also available on Tongren Lu, just not the good kind.

So I have much to tell and muchos photographias to upload.  You’ve all missed out on a lot, Beijing, Xian, Terracotta Warriors, Suzhou and the hot pursuit of some poor lass clad in pyjamas down Mongashan Lu………there will be updates……..

What am I looking forward to when I come back…..apart from the obvious friends and family catch up’s, it’s the fat arse chook parma of Metroplitan Hotel fame that I crave, decent Italian food and some good old meat and 3 veg, washed down with a few bottles of Uber wanker beer, Pepperjack.  I also can’t wait to go for a long long walk around my neighborhood and take it all in, the cafe’s, the river, the sights and sounds.  Getting up on a Saturday, buying two coffees and the papers is going to be a novelty

Unfortunately I have to cram all of that into a 2 week period, as I am off to Singapore and the Philippines for one month….and then to India…..and Sydney………..and to Infinity and Beyond.

I know I will be home for Xmas

More of a play on words than broken Chinglish, but still funny……..

This type of thing is getting harder and harder to find because of the Olympics, killjoys!

Anyone, who has spent any time in and around Shanghai must have noticed the “Pyjama Wearers”.  They usually lurk around wet markets around dusk and I have occaisionally seen them at lunchtime on Saturdays, after you’ve finished watching cartoons, why change clothes when you just want to nick down the road for some 生煎包  (Shen Jian Bao) at your local Yang’ Sfry Dumpings.

Here is one of the Pyjama Wearers, caught on camera in the wild at around 11am.  I’ll be hoping to capture more.  It’s a bit blurry, but sometimes they move fast.

Unfortunately I did not have a camera when I saw a husband and wife “team” in matching Jammies out for an evening stroll around Lan Cun Lu.  They were pretty fetching too, a snappy beige with dark brown piping, very 50’s very retro.

Being the Chivalrous type, I purchased a gift for Tanya the other day……it came in a er, VERY interesting plastic bag, which you can see below.  Have a close look……..do you see it.  Funny eh?

I have been in a bit of a food rut of late. China is not like Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Malaysia or Indonesia, where great food and smells are around nearly every corner. Usually I see women in pyjamas and pink plastic flip flops locked in mortal combat bargaining over a few live bullfrogs or the odd sea cucumber. It doesn’t make me that hungry.

So, as I was saying before, I have been in a bit of a food rut, walking a goat track between the Korean BBQ, Yangs, my favourite BBQ guy and Carrefour for my daily sustenance. I am on a first name basis with at least 3 Sherpa’s drivers……it’s gotten sad, almost beyond salvation.

So I decided tonight, I would head out into the wilds of Pudong and see what was on offer, armed with a few trusty work mates we ended up in this Szechuan place in Pudong.

We had a number of cold dishes, cooked chicken in peppercorn oil, rice noodles in peppercorn oil, golden pie and the highlight of the evening, Grilled Fish. I think the characters are these 烤鱼. Anyone who can speak Chinese for real, please use the comments to correct me.

Those two words, grilled fish, cannot describe the alchemy, the sheer magic and interplay of garlic, chillies, peppercorns and ginger, balanced against a whole grilled fish, rubbed down with a dry mix of spices and grilled over open coals. The fish is the only fish I have eaten in Shanghai that didn’t taste like dirt.

This single night has re-ignited my interest in Chinese food and the lads at work and I have decided to work our way through all 8 of the Chinese cuisines.

Oh and it was damn cheap, around RMB 160 for 3 people…….what’s not to like.

If there is one thing the Chinese do well, its sleep! After lunch at work, people will assume the head on desk stance and catch some serious Zeds. The Chinese are so good at sleeping, they could make it an olympic sport.

Take this bloke, surrounded by caffeine, sugar and a few thousand people down at the Bund and he still manages some quality nap time. Well done mate, very well done.

I would not swim in a body of water in, on or near China if you paid me. It’s not necessarily the pollution, heavy metals, visible debris and brown foam lapping invitingly on the waters edge, but the thought of accidentally touching some big ass carp, fills me with pure dread.

This photo is not brilliant, it’s kind of like those photos of Loch Ness, or other strange phenomenon, but if you look closely, these two blokes are having a bit of a swim in the river next to my apartment. Not a freak occurrence, as I have now seen them on TWO subsequent occasions, nutters!